A little thing called Mr. Ear Worm

“Freedoms just another word for, nothing left to lose” -Janis Joplin

It’s been days now and, over and over again this worm inadvertently dances through my head, cane and top hat in check. I can’t help but attempt to analyze the emotion it may have buoyed to the surface of many a mind, especially my own.

Is it true when you have nothing left to lose you are free; you can start from scratch, no obligations, no responsibility, no attachments…would you feel free? Recalling my past there was a time when I had nothing but two small bags of clothing and a few dollars in my pocket, no credit, no job, little pride and no intended direction, just a string of greyhound bus tickets to somewhere I’d never been. But I still had something to loose, I had a brother and a friend, they were my life line, and at the time I felt if I let go, one of us might drown, I had companionship left to lose. What if that weren’t the case, would I have traveled the world, maybe started a life of my own instead of feeling the necessity to remain with the herd, it was me that held those sheep together, they who clung to me, should have just cut the cord, sink or swim bitches. Would’ve, could’ve, should’ve, anyway, back to my point.

I suppose if you can let go of it all and truly have nothing left to lose you grant yourself the freedom to follow your heart, whether you do or not is a pivotal choice I think we all make at one time or another. But maybe it’s the misguided search for freedom that keeps some people trapped, lost in their own web. I sometimes think it’s what made my mother run away so often, from people and places, moving every six to twelve months, frantically looking for that escape route, chasing that delusional pot of gold, arms stretched out, over and over again just like that earworm, disregarding her heart for fear of what it might say. Comparable is the story of my brother, living on the streets for the past year you would think he had nothing left to lose, but oh he does; his struggle with alcohol, his need to cling to it like a baby to a soother, it’s easier to look away and never face those fears, bury them in the dirt, forget them there. If he could face his dismay he could overcome the need to hide behind the booze and maybe at least see the possibility of attaining some freedom. Then again, maybe to him, this life is freedom.

What would you do, where would you go, if you had zip, zilch, zero right now?

The power of a song, a story, a picture, so vastly indefinable, immeasurable, unpredictable, such a monumental ability to evoke meaning, to pluck at the heart strings within us. Music gets us through so many of the hills and valleys in life, maybe because we know someone, somewhere; can relate in some way.

Now, if I passed Mr. Ear Worm along to you, listening to Janis belt it out might just help:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTHRg_iSWzM